So, in the past 4 years I have only been to a theater once. For some reason my friends feel that is the 8th deadly sin. Blockbuster movies, like “The Dark Knight” and more recently “Avatar”, have not been view by my eyes. When people heard this they are near offended. How dare I not go throw money at AMC (or your local theater) to see a movie. They call me a movie snob. And my 2 or 3 readers, I am. I don’t care that just because a movie cost millions to make and made billions in the box office. I don’t care if it won 40 Oscars, Golden Globes, or MTV Movie awards. Rarely do I even care who is even in the movie. And to be honest of all my top 10 favorite movie, I’ve only seen 1 in the theater. I’m sure you’re asking what do I care about when it comes to seeing a movie at the theater.
Well first, let me say for me to like a movie it has to be more than just special effects. It has to be more than explosions and destruction. I’m a person who demands thoughtful directing. “Thoughtful directing” What the hell? Well I don’t want a movie that is like a taped play. Movies that fall into this category is usually are Romantic Comedies. Its usually a story with no flashy visual, mostly dialogue and a few comedic situations. So, RomComs are out the window.
Now, another requirement for movies is that I don’t really care for happy endings. Now, before you boo and hiss and call me a cold-hearted monster (please hold your complements for the end), understand I don’t hate happy endings. I hate how every damn movie these days, have happy endings. Of my top 10 movies, only 1 has a happy ending (L4yer Cake). But that movie offers something else.
That something else is ambiguity. Most movies these days the viewer has pretty much a good idea of what’s going on in the movie by the end. Now, I’m sure there are some of you going, “why would you want to see a money where you don’t know what’s going on?” Well, I like to use my brain. The main goal of me embracing media is to simulate my brain. If I’m watching a TV show and my brain isn’t working… click. I’ve I hear a song and my brain isn’t working... next track. As for movies, if I’m in a theater I can’t really change the channel. And I can’t walk out after I’ve paid money to get in.
So, that’s a few reason on why I don’t go to theaters based on actual movie content. Now, let me get into the other reason why I don’t like going to theaters. Atmosphere. Now don’t get me wrong If had access to watch TV and movies on an 11 foot High Def screen with 30 speakers in Dolby Digital 7.1 I would never leave. But the problem is other people. I don’t think I’ve been to a movie where audience didn’t piss me off in some form or another.
Am I the only person who has gone to a movie with someone and this someone has a problem following a story and constantly asks questions? “Why did he do that?” “What was that mean?” Nothing irks me more than trying to watch something and people ask me questions. Especially when if you were paying attention you would know. Like I’m trying to watch and listen to the movie, not catch up other people. I didn’t pay X amount of dollars to be the official narrator.
Another thing I loathe about theater audiences is the people who over emote. For instance something was funny. And they are still laughing loudly minutes after. Or they will lean over and say, “Oh man that was funny.” Oh really? Not only is that irritating and distracting, but usually they make it so the dialogue is being drowned out.
Then there are the people who have seen the movie before and are doing like a DVD commentary. “Oh man this is the funny part watch this.” Or “Did you know that’s not a stunt double?” SHUT UP! I feel I am intelligent to know when a scene is funny. I will not miss a joke, without your constant prompting.
How about these people who have no business being there. Few examples.. I saw a horror movie a few years back. And there was a kid no older than 7 there. This movie was very gory and visually intense. Needless to say, there was non stop screaming and crying. Now if you think your kid is mature enough at that age for that then fine. But if he is screaming,”MOMMY,” you need to take him out. Not tell him to shush. Another are the people who don’t have an interest in the movie and just trash the movie out loud (emphasis on loud). “That’s dumb! This would never happen in real life.” Like did this person really just spend money to bash a movie?
Now if I think that I’m going to get a great movie, ripe for my tastes, and an audience that’s 100% silent during the movie for me, then maybe I’ll consider going. Otherwise, I’m just going to wait until the network TV debut. Any movie worth paying money to see should be worth waiting a few years to see. At least I think so.
